Sunday, May 31, 2009
Daddy, how are you today?
"Daddy opnam non. Dpasangi selang o2, ditempeli alat2 u/ rekam jantung n dll. Untungnya dr yg nangani, mantan anak buahnya taz. Pray 4 his best. We need u our little angel"
Just opened my eyes this late morning, turned on my notebook, and saw this news posted on my facebook wall. My heart stopped beating for half second. It felt heavy when I took my breath. I felt I wanted to take my wings and fly to Bali, fly to my Daddy...
that's what I called my brother in law. My brother in law who often substituted my father's place. The man who gave me fatherly loves and attention that I supposed to get from my own father. The man who always listened to my problem, as well as share every stories of his life to me..
The man who brought me into his arm, hold me tight and sang me lullaby when I was in deeply mad, sad, or exhausted.
How I missed the time when we talked together, in my house, in his car, or in his house. His heavy voices always meaning something for me. His willingness to share everything with me always made me comfortable near him.
Remembering the time when he has to take more than 2 days off, to take me to an University exam,
The time when he waited patiently at GOR IKIP Singaraja, waited the first process of entering UNI.. signed a letter -- that should be signed by my parents, found me a place to stay, introduced me to Singaraja city, took me everywhere now and then..
Count on him in every second of my life...
When I got lost, when I got to go somewhere, when I had to decide something, when I faced the roller coaster of my life.. he always there for me. No matter how busy he was, he always made some time for me..
Once he said, "This is not supposed to be me, it's your father..."
I shooked my head than, "I don't need him, God has sent me a Daddy, and it's you."
We smiled and he tapped my head, and whispered... "my little angel.."
That's when I've got my name.. it's from him, who called me his little angel...
After he married with my sister, everything seemed a bit further for us. He looked busy, he looked tired, he looked depressed, and often sick. Once he told me everything, once he just kept silent...
He didn't want anything, but when I got closer, he told me everything that he wanted..
He didn't want to take the medicine, but he believed me when I put his medicine in his hot tea...
I knew he believed me, I knew he wanted to tell me loads of story,
Daddy, I knew you missed me...
You haven't hold me, before I go.
You didn't say goodbye when I go...
But I cried when I said your voice through phone one day,
I cried when I missed you so bad,
I cried when I knew you are there, lying and nothing else to do.
I want you to know, that as if God sends me my wings, I'll fly to you,
I'll stay beside you, I'll hold your hand, and give all my loves to you,
give all you need to be better than now.
Please, please, hold on,
please, please, listen to everyone..
Please, please show a miracle to him, God.
Please keep him for me God,
So when I come back later,
he will answer "I'm good, my little angel..."
if I ask him--- Daddy, how are you today?
Thinking about Daddy and praying for him.
2.45 pm; 31st May 09
My Cozy Room, Mullum