Saturday, May 30, 2009
Krisna -- A conversation between heart and mind.
.. Who is Krisna?
- He's my brother.
..But you said, you are the only child..?
.. Then tell me about that.. (if you don't mind?)
- He was my step little brother. My mom and her husband adopted him from her husband's sister.
.. In the other words, he should be your step father's newphew..?
- You can say that. But now, Krisna is their child, my brother.. or step brother, whatever.. (!)
.. You didn't seem happy with that?
- Um.. don't know how to answer that, really.
.. Why? Just yes or no. Nothing else.
- My mom asked me when she planned to adopt Krisna,
.. O, really? Then what was your answer?
- I agree, I'm the one who supported her, and her husband. I felt that, it isn't fair, if they didn't have kid, because they couldn't divide me into two families, Balinese is too complicated to receive my status, or my mom status. By having Krisna, I will be able to release my self from their family.
.. Do you mean that you'll not belong to them?
- Is not what I meant. I don't care of the family relationship or law relation, but, whatever happening in my mom's life, nothing gonna change that I am her child, her only birth child, the one and only. Nothing else. I don't care if my parents were divorced, I don't care if I live with my Dad, I don't care if my mom re-marry again, but, again, our blood relation is eternal.
- But, now,She has her own family, I knew I can still be there, but at the first, it is very hard, very-very hard.
.. what do you mean very hard?
- Jealous, of course.
..You shouldn't be jealous..
- Why not? I have right to be jealous, I have right to think that as if I were Krisna... I'll have all her attentions, from I were born, first time entered the primary school, Junior, Senior school, or even, I'll have her when I graduate from Uni later.. It DIDN'T happen to my life lately..
- Am I wrong to expect my parents' attention?
- Am I wrong to miss her, my own Mom?
- Am I wrong to feel that I should have the same love that my Mom gives to Krisna?
- Am I wrong to feel jealous about everything happening in Krisna's life?
.. Listen, nothing wrong, love. It just a human nature feeling.. Jealous, sad, lonely, angry, regret... I knew it, I knew how you feel.
.. But, you have to understand that they have their own life...
- I do..I do understand it. Believe me!
- I knew I'm not supposed to be jealous.
.. Now, how about starting loving Krisna?
- That's a good idea.
.. At least you have brother now...
- Yeah, I know, after 22 years without anyone but me.
.. Feel happy?
- Yeah a little bit..
.. You always can learn how to love Krisna.
- Yup, I'm in the process to go that way.
.. Do u miss him?
- I do, your sister miss you too, my little brother..
- How are you..,Kris?
After looking new album @ My Mom's FB
11.36 pm / 30 May 09
My (messy) room-- again..
Melalueca Road, Mullum