Sunday, May 31, 2009

Daddy, how are you today?




"Daddy opnam non. Dpasangi selang o2, ditempeli alat2 u/ rekam jantung n dll. Untungnya dr yg nangani, mantan anak buahnya taz. Pray 4 his best. We need u our little angel"

Just opened my eyes this late morning, turned on my notebook, and saw this news posted on my facebook wall. My heart stopped beating for half second. It felt heavy when I took my breath. I felt I wanted to take my wings and fly to Bali, fly to my Daddy...

Daddy,
that's what I called my brother in law. My brother in law who often substituted my father's place. The man who gave me fatherly loves and attention that I supposed to get from my own father. The man who always listened to my problem, as well as share every stories of his life to me..
The man who brought me into his arm, hold me tight and sang me lullaby when I was in deeply mad, sad, or exhausted.

How I missed the time when we talked together, in my house, in his car, or in his house. His heavy voices always meaning something for me. His willingness to share everything with me always made me comfortable near him.

Remembering the time when he has to take more than 2 days off, to take me to an University exam,
The time when he waited patiently at GOR IKIP Singaraja, waited the first process of entering UNI.. signed a letter -- that should be signed by my parents, found me a place to stay, introduced me to Singaraja city, took me everywhere now and then..

Count on him in every second of my life...

When I got lost, when I got to go somewhere, when I had to decide something, when I faced the roller coaster of my life.. he always there for me. No matter how busy he was, he always made some time for me..
Once he said, "This is not supposed to be me, it's your father..."
I shooked my head than, "I don't need him, God has sent me a Daddy, and it's you."
We smiled and he tapped my head, and whispered... "my little angel.."
That's when I've got my name.. it's from him, who called me his little angel...

After he married with my sister, everything seemed a bit further for us. He looked busy, he looked tired, he looked depressed, and often sick. Once he told me everything, once he just kept silent...
He didn't want anything, but when I got closer, he told me everything that he wanted..
He didn't want to take the medicine, but he believed me when I put his medicine in his hot tea...
I knew he believed me, I knew he wanted to tell me loads of story,
Daddy, I knew you missed me...
You haven't hold me, before I go.
You didn't say goodbye when I go...

But I cried when I said your voice through phone one day,
I cried when I missed you so bad,
I cried when I knew you are there, lying and nothing else to do.

I want you to know, that as if God sends me my wings, I'll fly to you,
I'll stay beside you, I'll hold your hand, and give all my loves to you,
give all you need to be better than now.

Please, please, hold on,
please, please, listen to everyone..
Please, please show a miracle to him, God.
Please keep him for me God,

So when I come back later,
he will answer "I'm good, my little angel..."
if I ask him--- Daddy, how are you today?

Thinking about Daddy and praying for him.
2.45 pm; 31st May 09
My Cozy Room, Mullum
NSW

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Krisna -- A conversation between heart and mind.


.. Who is Krisna?
- He's my brother.

..But you said, you are the only child..?
- TRUE.

.. Then tell me about that.. (if you don't mind?)
- He was my step little brother. My mom and her husband adopted him from her husband's sister.

.. In the other words, he should be your step father's newphew..?
- You can say that. But now, Krisna is their child, my brother.. or step brother, whatever.. (!)

.. You didn't seem happy with that?
- Um.. don't know how to answer that, really.

.. Why? Just yes or no. Nothing else.
- My mom asked me when she planned to adopt Krisna,

.. O, really? Then what was your answer?
- I agree, I'm the one who supported her, and her husband. I felt that, it isn't fair, if they didn't have kid, because they couldn't divide me into two families, Balinese is too complicated to receive my status, or my mom status. By having Krisna, I will be able to release my self from their family.


.. Do you mean that you'll not belong to them?

- Is not what I meant. I don't care of the family relationship or law relation, but, whatever happening in my mom's life, nothing gonna change that I am her child, her only birth child, the one and only. Nothing else. I don't care if my parents were divorced, I don't care if I live with my Dad, I don't care if my mom re-marry again, but, again, our blood relation is eternal.
- But, now,She has her own family, I knew I can still be there, but at the first, it is very hard, very-very hard.

.. what do you mean very hard?
- Jealous, of course.

..You shouldn't be jealous..
- Why not? I have right to be jealous, I have right to think that as if I were Krisna... I'll have all her attentions, from I were born, first time entered the primary school, Junior, Senior school, or even, I'll have her when I graduate from Uni later.. It DIDN'T happen to my life lately..

- Am I wrong to expect my parents' attention?
- Am I wrong to miss her, my own Mom?
- Am I wrong to feel that I should have the same love that my Mom gives to Krisna?
- Am I wrong to feel jealous about everything happening in Krisna's life?

.. Listen, nothing wrong, love. It just a human nature feeling.. Jealous, sad, lonely, angry, regret... I knew it, I knew how you feel.

.. But, you have to understand that they have their own life...
- I do..I do understand it. Believe me!
- I knew I'm not supposed to be jealous.

.. Now, how about starting loving Krisna?
- That's a good idea.

.. At least you have brother now...
- Yeah, I know, after 22 years without anyone but me.

.. Feel happy?
- Yeah a little bit..

.. You always can learn how to love Krisna.
- Yup, I'm in the process to go that way.

.. Do u miss him?
- I do, your sister miss you too, my little brother..
- How are you..,Kris?

After looking new album @ My Mom's FB
11.36 pm / 30 May 09
My (messy) room-- again..
Melalueca Road, Mullum
NSW- OZ

The Pinkies..


Apaan sih "pink?"

Mulutku ampe monyong ngeliat warna sepatu yang disodorin pacarku waktu itu. Tapi, itu sepatu keluaran baru, unik juga modelnya, kayak sepatu jepang. Cocok dipake jalan, karena sepertinya ringannn banget, dan it's cute, actually. Tapi, sedikit bete aja, kenapa musti pink, sih?

"Mbak maunya sepatu apa?" Tanya si penjaga toko, di tengah keramaian dan hiruk pikuk tokonya pas itu ,heran, padahal yang lihat2 banyak, yang mau coba juga banyak, kenapa musti nyamperin aku aja sehhhhh? (heran bangetz)

"Saya maunya yang enak dipake jalan-- karena musti nemenin segerombolan murid nih, jadi musti efisien, yang ga pake ikat2 tali sepatu, yang pas, dan yang nyaman pastinya!"
Pacarku dah naikin alis, berasa ga suka liat gayaku ngomong, yang biasa-- kelewat judes ma orang lain, plus monyong2in bibir karena pilihan yang tidak sesuai dengan keinginan hati!

"Mbak mau coba dulu ga?" Ini modelnya baru, dan cocok untuk mbak.."
(sigh) tergoda juga sih, sedikit. Aku ga bilang apa-apa sih, selain
"Ada ukuran 37 ga?"
Pacarku dah sok serius bilang kalo sepatu pink itu bagus banget, (maklum untuk mempercepat waktu belanja, alnya kalo diturutin, bisa seharian juga ga cukup shopping, gempor-gempor dah tuh kaki...)
"udah gek, bagus kok...." (Kata pacarku lagi, ngomporin)

Serasa cinderella, sepatu itu passss banget di kaki, kerasa agak sempit, tapi, si penjaga toko, ga kalah seru bilang kalo nanti pasti bisa sesuai ukuran kakinya,
karena masihhhh ga sreg dengan pink, akhirnya tetep kucecari dengan pertanyaan,
"ga ada warna lain ya? Kalo pink gini ga bisa pake kerja nih..."
Eh, malah pacarku yang nanggepin, "katanya pake jalan2, sekarang pake kerja, kok ga konsisten..."
DAMN!!! Kalah lagi, kalah lagi, (sighhhhhhh!!!!)

Si penjaga toko itu, nyodorin warna biru muda, dan kok aku malah ilfil liat warna itu, berpikir, memutar otak, tambah ga cocok dengan baju apapun, celana apapun, dan... sepertinya si pink, ga jelek2 amat..
Sementara berpikir, aku kelilingi toko sepatu itu, sekali putaran, liat2 sepatu yang lain, tapi.. masak sepatu biasa aja, harganya setengah juta, alamak.. duit dari Hongkong?
Harga si pink itu aja, udah mencapai 200 ribu, hikzzz, dan itu sudah harga paling murah.. dari semua sepatu yang sejenis itu, di toko itu.

Putaran ke dua, mulai liat jam.. udah mau jam setengah sepuluh malem, tokonya mau tutup, mana sepatu mau dipake besokk.. duh! nasib..nasib.. Masih kekeh ngeliatin yg warna putih, kek, coklat, kek, hitem, kek.. asal jangan pink itu... hukz hukz

Putaran ke tiga, toko dah mulai sepi, pacarku dah manyun duduk di tempat coba sepatu, si penjaga toko masukin sepatu itu ke kotak, dan tersenyum.. (aku curiga, jangan2, kemakan senyumannya.. padahal senyumannya biasa aja deh...)
"Yank, bagus ga sih sepatunya ni...?" tanyaku untuk yang ke 100 kalinya...
(pacarku sabar banget lo, ngeluh aja engga, walaupun tampangnya dah ga bisa boong, bete banget nungguin! hehe)
"Kan, itu sudah yg aku pilihin, ya bagus donk..." itu aja, kalimatnya ga diubah2 dari pertama kali aku tanya..

(SIGH) Ya udah deh, pasrah.
"Jadi mbak?" tanya si penjaga toko sumringah, aku ngangguk pasrah bangetz...
Aku keluarin kartu kreditku, hahahaha-- maklum, pas itu, ga ada duit sama sekali, tekor abiiissss! Udah di kasir, sepatu dah masuk kotak, kartu dah di gesek, tinggal nunggu kitirnya doank, sambil nunggu, iseng-iseng muter sekali putaran lagi di toko itu dan...

DAMN!!!!
.....ternyata ada dink! Model yang sama persis (cuma labelnya laen) dan warna coklat bata, aje gileee.. sepatu itu bagus banget!! Dan harganya cuma beda 30 ribu dari si pink!!! Aku bener2 jadi curiga ma si penjaga toko, jangan2 mereka sembunyiin, masak baru putaran ke lima, baru nongol yang aku pengenin... tidakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!! Ini tidak ADIL...!!! (Life's not fair, dude, you know that, don't ya?)

Tanpa sempat memprotes, tanpa sempat melakukan pembelaan, dan tanpa sempat berkata sepatah huruf pun, pacarku dah gandeng tanganku, "yuks, pulang-- kan dah dapet sepatu nih?"
HIks, hiks, rasanya nyeselllllll banget beli sepatu itu malam itu, rasanya sebel banget liat warna pink itu pas di rumah, rasanya beteee banget kalo harus make sepatu itu kerja untuk besok.
Nothing I can do, really. Just regret.

Keesokan paginya kerja, dengan tampang manyun, dan hati yg pasrah, kupakai juga sepatu itu, untuk mengawal segerombolan murid dari Melbourne keliling Bali. Di bis, aku duduk sama guru mereka, dan di bis kan emang musti selonjorin kaki, ya si pinky musti diperlihatkan untuk penampilan perdananya... dan...
"Oh wow! What a good shoes you have young lady..."

tuinkkk--tuinkkk--

Aku melongo, terang aja, yang dimaksud young lady itu aku, abis murid2nya semua cowok, dan guru2 lainnya adalah wanita2 berumur diatas 60 tahun, supir bis, ga mungkin lah disebut "young lady..."
"really? You like it?" tanyaku speechless..

"Ya! it's sooo clean! How do you wash it?"
erghhhhhh-- wadoh! terang aja bersih, baruu gresss niihhhh!!! Diulapin aja belommm!

"um, just wash it in the water, brush it, and put it under the sun.." jawabku yang aseli banget, NGARANG!!! XD
Masih terheran-heran dengan si pinky, ampe dipegang2 pula...

"did you buy it in Japan?" tanyanya lagi
hehhhhh???? (www.TANDATANYA.com)
Ga sadar aku ketawa malahan... "no.. just here in Bali.."

"It's so cute, you know? Especially when you wear it.."
kata si guru itu.
Wah.. jadi senyum2 sendiri sama si pinky hari itu, ga nyangka pujiannya banyak banget pada pemakaian perdananya, kok jadi mulai jatuh cinta ma si pinky hari itu.. hahaha. (sekaligus membenarkan pepatah tak kenal maka tak sayang...) ;)
Dan terang aja, hidung pacarku jadi besar dan terus2an menegaskan kalimat..

"Sepatu pilihanKU tuh..."

Mana hari itu, jalan2nya ke pantai, alhasil, si pinky jadi sedikit basah, kena kapur putih, kena pasir hitam, sedikit lumpur, banyak debu... dan jadi sedikit kotor..
pas perjalanan pulang, lagi-lagi dapet komentar dari gurunya,
"oh... it's your pretty shoes are dirty now..." katanya kasian banget sama si pinky.
dan aku cuma senyam senyum gimannaaa gitu, padahal menurutku ga kotor2 amat tuch..
"ya... dicuci lagi dounk..." jawabku seadanya..
(gaya amat dicuci lagi-- padahal baru dipake!!)

Dan, hari ini, tuch, baru nyadar, ternyata si pinky emang top markotop kalo dipake jalan. Ringan, seperti terbang... Dan dengan bangga, si pinky ini, udah dipake jalan2 keliling australia, dan mendapat pujian dari semua orang...
Katanya kakiku tambah imut pake si pinky, padahal orangnya udah imut kok... ahahahha.. (narsis mode : ON)

Maka tulisan ini dibuat untuk memperingati jasa-jasa si pinky,

My pinkies.. I don't know how to live without you... ;)

I ♥ my pinkies!!!

8 : 07 pm -- 30 May 09
My cozy room..still under my blankets,
Melaleuca Road, Mullumbimby
NSW Aussie

A day of a perfect weekend-- should be!!




Weekend!

Always waiting for that word. That word is awaited by every body in the whole world, (I think.. if it's not too exaggerate.. hahaha!)

This weekend I've got an invitation from one of my friends at school, he's so kind.. hehe. He lives near Byron, so seeing the Light House is our planning.
Although I went to bed at 3 a.m. today, it feels good when I woke up at 10 this morning. Everything looked so clear.. no frosted window as usual.

I wore my sleeper and looked at through my window, oh God.. it's thrilling to see the blue and white sky above. I made my coffee and Milo, then got ready, it's not usual for me to take a bath in the morning, but, because I'm in the mood, ahahahah XD, so I took a shower, it feels soooo gooooddd....

I wore my pinkies.. (see other notes about that! ;)
and started walk, yes! walking 3 km to the town...! Rocks!
I thought it would be sooo longg... but, it was a very nice walk!!
It took only 35 minutes to the town, I popped in into Mullum Choco Shop-- (hope my friends like the chocolates!)to News agency, bought my fav wing dings... ummm... and waiting at the bus stop near the post office.

The bus was so on time, I'm impressed!!
I arrived at 1.30 (it's also so ON TIME) at Byron and met Alasdair and Amelia, it's exciting to see Amelia face to face, cos she's so pretty, and I could feel her lovely nature, it's good to see them!
We walked around to buy some sushi and we talked about Bali-- 'cos they wanted to go around Indo next October, how exciting! :)

We headed to Light House with their new car, it's a comfortable car. We took some photos too. Light house is a place when the light guided some of the boats or the cruise ship (maybe) in Indonesia we called it Mercusuar. It's so stunning, because the colour is white-- my fav. colour, it so contrast with the blue sky, and from the light house we can see Julian Rocks, (in the middle of the sea), dolphins, coast, and of course the most popular Byron Bay beach. The wind blew so fast and it's a bit chill, luckily I wore my light jacket, hat, and jeans.... ahahhaah COMPLETE!!!
We walked down to the most easterly point of Australia, too!! it's niceee....!!!

Next destination was somewhere to eat our sushi.. hahaha! It was funny to see my friend forced himself to eat wasabi, and looked at his face to put up with the hot taste.. He said it was cool... hahaha. I tried a bit, and I felt not good, coz it didn't taste as sambal in Indo or sambal matah in Bali.. or.. (Oh God, I'm hungry...!) but my sushi was good.. yummy, and fresh!!! After finished our sushi, we went to a coffee shop to buy coffee, it was a little place sneaked around bushes, but, the coffee was beautiful.. I didn't drink the coffee, but I tried ice coffee with a scoop of vanilla ice cream-- oh God it's heavennn!!! I really enjoyed my time with them today, talking to friends whom around my ages, so I felt comfortable.
I saw some pretty birds, too! (excluded black scary crow-- hate them!)

They took me home, too... what a nice couple! hiksz..
Wow.. this is my first perfect weekend at Mullum, ummm, I hope had a perfect weekend like this, every week!!
Will I ?

In my cozy room, under my blankets
Melalueca Road, Mullumbimby
7 : 16 p.m.
30 May 09
Oz

Friday, May 29, 2009

Mother's letter


Even though it is only an e-mail, sometimes, the words got so powerful, I love all her simple words, that makes me smile and burst into tears, never realized that I really missed her in every second of my life..

This is her simple words....

"Imih pedalem gati panak mama e, ingetang anake ngabe mantel geg,...sube
ngelah keto ensap mama ngabang,..."

"mau titp apa selain kaset balawan geg,...tlg di list mumpung ada ibu
Ida,...iye nyak kone ngabang,..he,..he,.."

Ibu Ida dije nongos di Sydney ?

Ya iyalah,..orang lain so pasti TEPAR? Kalo Ayu jangan ditanya ?wong
neteknya 27 bulan,....jaman sekarang meme2 cuman mau kasih ASI 2 bulan or 3
bulan max,...
kacian dch mereka,...gak ngerti kesehatan. Ayu dah mau sekolah loh masih
mimik susu mami,...he,...he,....kueren dounk

Take care ya sayang,....miss u dan mama bahagia sekali karena anak mama dah
mandiri, jauh lebih smart dan sangat pintar compare to me when I was at your
age.

cheeers
xoxo

-- I'm thrilling to make u happy Mom, I'm happy if I can make you happy-- you're my everything..

"If I have to give all my life to someone, I'll give all my life to you, Mom.. Cos I love you soo much..."


6:49 pm
Still in my messy room, burst in tears, and miss my mom badly..
Mullum- 29 May 09

Underneath my chaostic, crowded, and exhausted morning...


Wuhuuuuuuuuuu...!!!

TGIF = Thank God it's Friday....
I slept earlier last night, at 12 am, yup! It feels a little, a tiny bit better than the other nights, when I slept at 2 am!! haiahhhhhhhhhhhhhh--

Still trying hard to get up this morning, I just kept looking my table clock.

7 : 20 --- opened my blankets, wore my sleeper, and (with unopened eyes) walked to the water jug and press the button to make the water hot, of course.
I took my favourite noodle, and put it into the bowl with the hot water, and of course made my tea, too.. black tea today, not white as usual.

7 : 29--- Oh, took my clothes in my wardrobe, just the clothes that I wore yesterday, washed my face with face washer, combed my hair (seemed that I had a bad hair day always...), changed my clothes and my underwear too... sprayed some deodorant (the smell of my deodorant usually wake me up) and I put some of acne's cream on my face, it's getting better.. yay!

7 : 40--- 20 minutes before school time! I turned on my TV while having my "mie goreng" and a cup of tea.. Not quite a good news today, but there was a new song that played this morning, stunning. :) No more time to wash the dishes- just ran to the rest room, brushed my teeth, put my loose powder and ran back again to my room, finding my mineral powder and a lipstick of course!!! Now, it looks more fresh, although can't hide my Garfield eyes.... arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

7 : 59 ---- Tight my scarf and smiled one more time to the mirror and put my bag on my back, I brought my angklungs and I'm ready to go.. I went to school with my homestay parent, a very generous and warm man. I didn't know why it was so quiet this morning. I didn't talk too much with him, not as usual.. He also didn't talk anything to me-- well, I guess we were so tired this morning.

At school, we saw a lot of tents, oohh yeah, today was another "cross country" day. The principal came in, and greeted me, and asked me some questions about today. Everybody seemed not prepared for the lesson but the food, um.. I started thinking.. because I prepared my lesson till late last night, so I really in the mood of teaching today.

I started some photocopy, before the lady asked me "could you dance at the assembly?"
I didn't shock with the question. But, I said "NO". I said to her, "I can teach your students how to dance-- but not me, alone, dancing? NO, I'm sorry" I don't want to be the centre of attraction to show off my talent, I prefer the students to be the centre of attraction.... (Fair enough, eh?)

The kids were good today, but the school. It's so crowded and busy, we've got other students from other schools, too. But, the food tents were very good, I bought some chicken kebabs and home lemonade drink. I met Pak Wawan (at last-- after more than 3 times ignoring him) and introduced my self. He said to me -- loads of Balinese people live here... (yeah-yeah I knew it....) I just don't feel comfortable, with my busy time schedule!!

I didn't teach the students about many things today, I gave them some activities so they can remember how are you in Indonesian and all the responses for that. It's quite challenging in teaching KINDY....

Kindy (K) : Apa kabal..? Apa? kaballll?? Apa kabal..??
Me (M): Apa kabar? Listen and repeat... Apa kabar?
K : Apa kaballll??
M : No, listen---listen first... Apa kabar?
K : (silent)
M : Now repeat please?
K : (silent) --- arrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!
M : Apa--
K : Apa?? Apa ??
M : Not yet-- listen first then repeat.. APA KABAR?
K : Apa kabar?
M : Bagusss!!! Very good!! Now, what is the meaning of Apa Kabar?
K : Hello?
K : Good morning?
K : Ibu Asri!!! The meaning is Ibu Asri....
M : ???? Okay, listen class,, Apa Kabar means "how are you?"
K : oohhh.... how are you? Okay!!!
M : Now, let's repeat "apa kabar?"
K : Apa kabar?
M : That's better, class! You are excellent today! Anybody can tell me what the meaning of Apa Kabar is??
K : (all hands up-- and they screamed) Ibu Asri!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M : ......( sigh and speechless)

The older kids got me more relax, especially in year 3, they were very enthusiastic and got into the lesson, I loved them. They remembered what they have learnt and they grasped the lesson very quick!!
I also taught gifted and talented students how to play angklung, but I was sooo embarrassed today, because I was accompanied by my home stay parent (as he is the music teacher-- OH NO!)

For your information : This is the first time in my life, playing those things, and I have to teach the students to play "Waltzing Matilda"-- what a brave teacher you are, lady! I talked to my self, but, I had courage, that we can play it together.
It was a bit messy at first, but the students could play it sooo quickkk-- I was impressed to them and to my self! Luckily I've got my lovely home stay parent who helped me.. Thanks Richard, that's worth!!(I hope we can play it perfectly in the next 3 weeks-- cayooooo!! Semangatsss!!!)

Oh ya-- did I tell you something? When I taught year 3, I had a student named Declan, he's a warm student, he always gave me hugs.. But today, he gave me hugs and a kiss-- a very warm kiss on my right cheek- that a bonuss! Thanks Declan- you made my day--- perfect!

Thanks God,
(although I went directly to bed when I arrived home and snooze for 2,5 hours... still feel the warmness of Declan's kiss. hmmmm... love it! ♥

4:55 pm
Melaleuca Road, Mullumbimby NSW
My messy room---
29 May 09

Thursday, May 28, 2009

To Be or Not To Be...



Hustle and bustle girls did not make me abandon from your sight
Waiting me passed by as it could scatter your darkness to a light

I knew you said something from your eyes,
Why never told me as I was a cube of ice-
That would freeze you when you’re near?
Not even simple words that I expected to hear
From you.

It’s true that I thought too fast,
Run my life in a jiffy..
Though we can’t deny that time flew the past
Went over our reach and destiny

It wasn’t your mistake not telling me about what you’ve thought about me
I didn’t blame you for every moment that we should have,
But,
I felt like Icarus, who couldn’t fly near to the sun or the sea
no way through and wandering around in the middle like a flea.

I wasn’t an angel who can release you from a guilty feeling
Nor a saint of your life that you can kneeling
I couldn’t give you a hope
Or something that you can cope

Realizing that is forbidden to get near you
As in my heart wasn’t yours.
To be with you is out of question,
But I’ll say no.

To be or not to be, that’s your part.
If you said you’re with me but I will always say I’m not with you,
To be or not to be, I believe that you
will find the way home as if you look deeply to your heart.
And leave me as a history,
of our story. ;)

Mullumbimby, 15 May 09

Note--
This is my masterpiece..
never made a touchy poem like this..
From my heart to YOU.

Gotchaaaaa......!!!!


Gotchaaa...!!

As usual I wake up with a very tired feeling everyday,
regarding to class loads which always full on Thursday.

However, it was sth different today, because I sneaked out from
the school, walked down to the city, followed the small path,
with a beautiful weather surround.
I tight my scarf and walked faster and faster.

I stopped at the place when I could see the same woman,
whom I met last week,
she smiled at me, and before I said any words, she said
"ohh... sorry, we still can't get into it..."

I looked at her, and sat down in front of her,
"so, anything else you can do for me?"
She nodded and offered a phone call, I just be a viewer along
a 15 minutes conversation,
It was a so called an unpractical way, because she has to convert the currency,
I can't understand why the company did that,

After that, she smiled at me, she looked relief..
"We're DONE"
She checked her e-mail and she was surprised,
"oh, it so fastt....." She printed it, and she gave me.
"Here you are...."

That piece of paper was stunning, I scrutinized it--
read it more than twice, and I smiled to her..
"I got you babe..." I whispered to that pieces.
I said thank you to her and walked away..

Along the boulevard, I can imagine,
wearing my traditional clothes, smiling,
hold my kiranaputri, talked to Dewi, or...
kissing my Rainbow deeply..

Thanks a lot God, I'm comin' home love....♥

--- Melalueca Road, In front of my TV and my heater, shiver but happy
Thurs, 28 May 09---- OZ

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A letter of A Disaster from a Lucky God's receiver


Dear readers,

How are you?
Thank God I’m good, after the bad weather issues last week. It’s been
unpredictable weather –ever (!) in here.
It started last Monday, the rain poured down and didn’t stop, I was
dripping wet cycling home at those days, (Monday and Tuesday). Luckily,
on Wednesday, I’ve got a lift to school, so I didn’t have to cycling wet
home again.. However, the rain didn’t stop, not even a second, since
that day.

On Wednesday afternoon, I was so busy preparing the lesson for next
week, packing to Coffs Harbour to attend the Language Conference,
already booked my accommodation, too! I thought it was like in Bali,
when the rain comes, we just did an usual activity, rain doesn’t matter
at all... I worked until late to make sure everything prepared, when I
went to bed, the rain still pouring plus the wind..

On Thursday morning, my home stay parents were very busy, they woke me
up by worried voices, the phone rang so loud, I just did not have any
idea what happen that day. I just prepared myself to go to school—Just
the time when I wanted to call my home stay parent to get a lift- of
course.. She told me “I’m not going to school today.” and I
said “Why? What’s happening, it’s only rain..?” She sighed and told
me; “You better turn on your TV and watch the news now, and call your
teacher at school” I was a bit shocked. I called my supervisor,directly and she said “Oh,dear, I’m not going to school today—
you better not too..” Then I started a bit panicked. “Oh, my God, what
happen??” then she told me that in her place, she had no
electricity, lot of trees fell down, and flood just started. She also
told me that the conference in Coffs Harbour maybe postponed or
cancelled. On that day, I didn’t go to school and check my e-mail,
contacted my supervisor in Sydney about the up-date news, and also my
friends because we already paid the accommodation!!

Later that day, I’ve got some news from Sydney, that the conference was
postponed. My friends told me that the wind already blew some of the
hotel’s roof and flood just came into his door in his place (in Byron
Bay), he’s got no electricity, too.. Oh God, I’ve been so lucky, because
my home stay parents built their house in a very high place (a very safe
place from the flood)- and we’ve got electricity. I still got some food
left too, so again we were very--very LUCKY. I kept watching the news
on TV, and the situation was not getting better. In Queensland—Gold
Coast (near the place I used to live) already covered by flood,
everything was brown, everything was covered with water. Even at night,
I got shocked because my place (Mullumbimby) was in the National News
(it was on SBS) and claimed to be a “disaster zone..” (Oh Noooo..!!!) I
saw the street around my school on TV and it
was all covered with water, about 1 meter (or more) high.
I just prayed that the rain will stop immediately—nothing else I could
do that day.


On Friday, finally the sun shines sooo bright!! Thank God for that!
However, the flood was moving, there was news in the radio that all
schools in North Coast New South Wales were closed due to weather and
flood issues- everybody told me this never happened before! On that day,
my home stay parents took me to Byron Bay, and I saw the waves were very
huge, the wind blew so fast, and there were some places which still
covered with water, I saw some cars with water inside it, some houses
lost their roofs... I just grateful for being safe here! There were
many people in the city; they’ve been moved from their place, because
they had no electricity and food, too. The rain was pouring down again
later at the weekend, too. But, no more floods in Mullumbimby, the flood
went to other places, such as Lismore, Kempsey and Coffs Harbour (!).

Until today, the news of flood in Queensland and North Coast NSW still
on the TV news, there was one man died in Queensland, and many people
got their home destroyed by the flood... In the other hand, the weather
(here, in Mullumbimby) is getting better and better since yesterday.. –
that’s great!

I just write this e-mail to tell you that I’m safe and sound, get back
to work today, it feels good. :)

Malaeluca Road, Mullumbimby
NSW --- Wed, 27th May 09

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Triple "H"

3H = Hentikan Hujat Hujan!!!



Tetes-tetes hujan tampak sedang giat-giatnya membasahi rerumputan liar di kebun kecilku yang tak terawat. Meskipun kadang hujan turun tanpa henti, membawa luberan air got dan sungai, becek, kotor..... aku tak peduli. Sepanjang Ia bisa menyejukkan dan mengusir udara dan hawa panas yang ditimbulkan UNFCCC beberapa bulan lalu di Pulau tercintaku ini. Dan Ia pun tak mengurangi keindahan Bali setitik debu pun. Kupuaskan indera penglihatanku sekaligus penciumanku yang serasa sejuk menciumi wangi tanah liat genteng dan tanah kering yang terbasahi oleh rintikan hujan yang cantik. Ah, sungguh hujan yang menawan...


Namun, keasyikkanku menikmati hari hujan terganggu oleh seorang pria tua yang tak henti-henti menggerutu...,
“HUJAN.....! HUJAN LAGI...!”
Aku memandangi pria tua itu, dengan sorot mata protesku. Apa untungnya Ia berteriak pekak yang tak mampu mendepak hujan?

Rambut-rambut jarang di kepalanya yang sedikit botak berdiri beberapa karena teriakannya. Kantung-kantung mata yang mengukir tajam di bawah matanya pun tampak naik turun, mengikuti arah nafasnya yang terengah-engah. Kelelahan mungkin.
Namun kelelahan apa yang mungkin dialami seorang pria tua yang sudah pensiun?
Kelelahan menanti hujan usai?
Kelelahan menapaki hidupnya yang tak pasti?
Atau kelelahan mencaci? Mencaci maki hujan yang turun tanpa henti?
Entahlah.


Usai teriakan, datanglah seorang wanita paruh baya, rival pria tua itu yang akan membabat habis teriakannya dengan omelan yang panjang tak terhingga.
“CUKUP..!”
Ini baru permulaannya...
Pria tua itu pun mulai bersikap seolah-olah bukan dia pelakunya. Bukan ia yang menyembunyikan permen, bukan dia yang melempar batu, bukan ia kambing hitamnya. Gaya khas pun telah diperagakannya seperti senjata pamungkas. Pria tua itu berdiri, melongok keluar, menyandarkan bahunya di pintu kayu, menghela nafas, dan duduk menempati kursi malas kebesarannya. Dinaikkannya kaca mata plus yang terus melorot di hidung berminyak. Tangannya dengan sigap mengambil salah satu buku tebal yang bertumpuk-tumpuk setia berada disampingnya. Pemandangan selanjutnya, akan seperti video yang berulang bagiku setiap hujan tiba.

Wanita itu akan mengambil - lebih tepatnya, merampas buku yang dibaca si pria. Serta merta berkacak pinggang dan berkata nyaring, “Hentikan hujat hujan!”
Dengan alis berkerut, si pria tua pun akan berkata, “Aku tidak menghujat hujan! Kau menuduhku saja..”

“Hah..!” Wanita baya itu menghela nafas berat, sungguh tampak tidak sopan bagiku. Namun, kedua orang yang sedang kuamati ini, memang perangainya seperti itu. Seperti kucing dan tikus di film Tom and Jerry. Mereka saling mencintai, namun saling menyakiti, saling menyerang..., tapi saling membutuhkan. Ah, sungguh ungkapan hati yang bodoh.


“Mau kemana hari ini?” Hardik si wanita baya itu setelah menilik pakaian necis yang digunakan oleh si pria tua. Saat itu, si pria menggunakan baju batik merah menyala dan celana katun coklat muda. Sungguh paduan warna yang pas yang membuat pria itu seolah berada 20 tahun lebih muda dari umur angka kepala tujuhnya. Rambutnya juga sengaja disemir hitam tadi pagi. Aku masih bisa membayangkan wajah tampan yang membayang di sela-sela keriput wajah pria itu. Belum lagi si wanita mendengus tajam karena membaui aroma parfum murahan yang menyerbak.
“Ke rumah sakit.” Ujarnya singkat. Pria itu memang telah bekerja lebih dari 35 tahun di sebuah rumah sakit berstandard Internasional di Denpasar. Beberapa kali Ia menerima penghargaan, namun... itu dulu. Hari ini, Ia tak perlu lagi pergi pagi- pulang pagi. Berlari-lari menerima panggilan pasien gawat darurat. Meninggalkan istri, menelantarkan anak. Bekerja dengan 36 jam shift namun upah seadanya, membuka praktek sana-sini yang membuahkan ketenaran dan kepenatan. Ia sudah tak perlu melakukan itu. Pria itu sudah pensiun lebih dari 10 tahun yang lalu. Masa-masa gemilang dan kesibukannya telah berlalu. Jadi, untuk apa?


Itulah pertanyaan yang dilontarkan oleh wanita baya itu berulang kali, namun si pria tidak bergeming. Membisu seperti orang tuli juga, atau pura-pura tuli? Ah, tak jelas bagiku.

“Untuk apa?” Hening tak ada jawaban.
“Untuk apa ke rumah sakit?” ulangnya lagi. Pandangan mata si pria mulai tampak gelisah, bosan, merasa ditelanjangi, dan muak melihat hujan yang semakin deras saja.
“Untuk apa? Untuk menemui kekasihmu itu kah?!” Hardik wanita baya itu to the point. Pria tua itu akhirnya berdiri menantang wanita baya di hadapannya.
“Kau selalu tau jawabannya- namun kau tak pernah berhenti menanyakannya!” balasnya telak.

Wanita itu seperti api yang tersiram bensin, “Dan..., hanya gara-gara kekasih tak bermutu-mu itu, kau menghujat hujan?” Lelaki tua itu menaikkan bahunya, dengan sisa-sisa ingatan bahasa inggrisnya yang pasif, ia seperti biasa akan mengucap, “So..?”
“Tega!”
“Sungguh tega!” bentak wanita itu berkali-kali.
“Ya..! Tentu saja harus tega!” Balas pria itu tak mau kalah. “Kau tidak pernah tahu, bagaimana hujan membuat kencanku menjadi terganggu, aku tak bisa melihat betis mulus perawat-perawat cantik baru itu, dan... apa kau mau menanggung resiko apabila kekasih cantikku itu memutuskan hubungan cinta denganku?”


Aku melongok lebih dalam pada keributan kecil rutin itu. Terkadang bosan sekali mendengarnya, namun kedua orang itu terlihat sangat menikmati adu urat leher mereka.


“Puih...!“ Maki wanita itu, mungkin tak tahu lagi ekspresi apa yang pantas diberikannya. “Bukan berarti kau bisa menghujat hujan seenaknya! Hujan tak pantas kau caci!” Balas si wanita makin emosi.

“Dan kau pasti belum tahu nasib adeniumku yang tak kunjung berbunga karena hujan tanpa pesan itu! Datang, pergi, deras, rintik-rintik,....Tak mendung- hujan! Langit gelap, Ia tambah deras.”

“Seenaknya saja..!” Hah! Seru balasan pria itu.

“HUJAN LAGI....HUJAN LAGI...!!” Teriaknya kesal.

Wanita baya itu menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya. Serasa ia sudah lelah bertengkar, namun ia tak mau kalah. Ia makin tak terima hujan dihujat sedemikian rupa.
“Apa kau yakin kekasihmu itu menunggu mu di Rumah Sakit?” gelak tawa sinisnya yang terasa dipaksakan menggelegak.

“Tentu!” Seru pria itu yang mendadak tampak over confident. Lalu ia mulai merangkai puisi yang agak romantis. “Kekasihku itu mampu menyejukkan hatiku. Ia adalah hujan dalam hidupku... Ia menyirami tubuhku- hatiku yang sedang kemarau.. Jadi aku tak perlu- tak butuh hujan di luaran sana...” ucapnya menerawang. Atau mungkin ia juga sedang membayangkan terawang gaun tembus pandang kekasihnya yang ia rindukan.
Mendengar puisi picisan itu, wanita itu seperti mendapat angin.

Aha!
“Lalu mengapa kau menghujat hujan? Artinya engkau menghujat kekasihmu itu, bukan?” Senyum wanita itu mengembang bagai bunga padma di pagi hari. “Satu-kosong!” ujarnya seolah mengejek.

“BUKAN..!!” Teriak pria itu kali ini lebih menggelegar, kantung matanya seolah berlari lebih cepat mengikuti nafasnya yang mulai satu-satu.
“Bedanya, kekasihku hanya menghujani aku, tubuhku-jiwaku-hidupku, bukan pulau ini! Ia juga tak mungkin menimbulkan bencana banjir yang makin menggila. Karena itulah aku mencintai dia! Aku harus menemui kekasihku itu, dia pasti sudah menungguku..., tidakkah kau mengerti?” Lanjutnya lebih lembut. Merajuk. Layaknya anak kecil yang ingin dibelikan gulali, atau membujuk untuk melali ke Bali Safari Park yang baru dibuka di kawasan Gianyar.


Kali ini, wanita itu hanya memandangi pria tua yang berkali-kali memegangi dadanya, seolah memerintahkan jantungnya agar kuat bertahan sampai hujan usai.
Kali ini, ritme mereka berubah perlahan.
“Baiklah, aku mengerti.” Sahut si wanita dengan lembut sekaligus tegas.
“Aku mengerti, kekasihmu itu adalah segalanya...” Lanjutnya. Pria itu tersenyum, akhirnya mereka akan mencapai kata sepakat, begitu pikirnya.
“Aku pun takkan melarangmu lagi, toh wanita itu sudah berubah menjadi hujan...” ujarnya cuek, sambil lalu meninggalkan pria tua itu di depan pintu teras dengan gaya khasnya yang tidak berubah.


Lelaki tua terhenyak sekejap dan alisnya bertautan seolah berpikir keras. Lalu ia berjalan kearahku dan tersenyum. Ia menyadari bahwa aku dengan lancang sedang mengamati tingkah laku anehnya. Takut-takut aku menghadapinya, namun Ia hanya membelai anak rambutku sejenak sebelum ia berlari merambah pasrah dalam derasnya hujan sore itu.

Ia pun menari-nari dalam derasnya hujan, dibiarkannya batik merah menyalanya itu terbasahi derasnya hujan. Ia pun mulai membayangkan bercinta dengan kekasih yang dirindukannya. Ia bergumul berjam-jam dengan rumput-rumput liar kebun kecilku sambil membayangkan menindih tubuh kekasihnya. Ia meminum air hujan serakus-rakusnya, sambil membayangkan bibir basah kekasihnya yang biasa dilumat dan dikulumnya... Bermenit-menit, berjam-jam, berhari-hari....

Aku berharap wanita baya itu akan menyeret pria tua itu masuk, mengomelinya, bertengkar, dan berbaikan lagi, seperti yang biasa mereka lakukan. Namun, dugaanku tidak tepat, malah cenderung melenceng. Yang tepat hanyalah ingatanku pada percakapan, pertengkaran, dan perhelatan terakhir antara dua orang manusia yang notabene adalah ibu dan kakekku sendiri.

Aku hanya bisa tersenyum miris saat Ibu mencuci baju batik merah menyala itu dan diseterikanya pula hingga licin. Merahnya mengingatkanku akan api yang menyala-nyala waktu proses ngaben pria tua ayah kandung ibuku. Geliat-geliat api yang menari dengan eloknya mengingatkanku pada tarian hujan terakhir kakek- si pria tua yang terbuai puber keduanya. Kali ini, tarian api bertugas menjilati jasad kakekku inchi demi inchi sampai nanti menjadikannya abu tak berarti.

Tak seorang pun meratapi kepergian pria tua itu. Hanya Ibu mungkin yang masih merasa bersalah. Pertengkaran yang berujung kebodohan perilaku dan membunuh badan kasar renta kakekku pada akhirnya. Demam tinggi setelah tarian hujan erotisnya tak mampu diturunkan, sehingga kami mengalah merelakan pria itu terbebas dari alam duniawinya.
Tapi kupikir, pria tua itu akan bahagia disana. Ia tak perlu lagi berdebat kusir dengan Ibuku. Tak perlu memikirkan harga tahu – makanan favoritnya yang harganya melonjak-lonjak karena harga BBM yang melonjak tanpa ampun. Tak perlu bingung memilih gubernur siapa pada PILKADA Bali yang akan datang atau memikirkan banjir, angin, maupun perubahan iklim yang semakin mengganas...


Hanya aku dan ibuku yang sedang tenang memandangi rintikkan hujan cantik yang membasahi rerumputan liar, bunga kamboja, pohon tulang, dan adenium yang tak kunjung berbunga tanpa harus mendengar hujatan tentang hujan. Ah, hujan tak pantas dihujat, Ia tak berdosa......

Denpasar, 21 Februari 2008

Note:
Yup! Dibuat udah tahun lalu, sudah sempat kukirim ke media massa, tapi tak ada tanggapan.. sudahlah. Yang jelas udah nampang di "Angel on Earth"
cukuplahhhh ;)

A Wrong Man in the Right Place

Seberapa sering anda mendengar para wanita berkata, “Saya akan menunggu jodoh saya, karena Tuhan pasti sudah menciptakan a right man in the right place.” Namun di tempat kerja saya, telah hadir seorang pria baru yang langsung dijuluki, a wrong man in the right place. Yang memberi julukan tersebut para wanita juga. Tak ada hubungannya dengan cinta atau jodoh, melainkan makanan! Loh, kok bisa?

Di lingkungan kerja, saya termasuk pegawai baru. Bisa dibilang saya anak bawang yang tidak tahu apa-apa. Saya hanya melaksanakan tugas saya, yaitu mengajar. Karena kebetulan saya bekerja di bidang pendidikan, sebuah institusi bahasa asing di daerah saya. Saya pun mau tak mau harus menyesuaikan diri dengan dunia baru yang terhampar luas di depan mata. Contohnya, jam kerja. Saya mulai bekerja pukul 1 siang dan pulang pukul 9 malam. Jam yang kurang lazim di mata orang awam. Karena kebanyakan orang selalu bekerja 8 to 4 atau 9 to 5. Belum lagi saya bekerja di dalam ruangan ber-AC yang selalu duiinginnn. Nah, omong-omong dingin, pikiran saya pun langsung identik dengan makanan, setuju? Karena udara dingin mampu membuat syaraf-syaraf perut selalu menuntut untuk diisi. Maka dari itu, saya selalu berusaha untuk membawa makanan kecil dari rumah, seperti roti, biskuit, bahkan saya juga sering membawa bakpao! Atau simple saja saya membawa uang lebih agar bisa berbelanja makanan di café kecil yang berlokasi di sebelah tempat kerja saya.

Ada juga beberapa staf yang sudah berkeluarga lebih memilih membawa rantangan dari rumah. Rantang-rantang tersebut dijejer rapi di meja dapur yang berlokasi satu atap dengan ruangan para staf pengajar. Maka dari itu, segala pengumuman penting untuk para staf biasanya terletak di dapur. Alasannya jelas, semua orang akan mengunjungi dapur bukan? Setidaknya untuk meminum segelas air atau membuat secangkir teh, ataupun kopi. Pengumuman yang tertempel setiap hari pun berbeda-beda. Ada pengumuman siapa saja staf yang cuti, staf yang sakit, staf yang mendapat tugas lembur, atau staf yang berulang tahun. Yang terakhir ini yang paling menarik. Karena, setiap staf yang berulang tahun pasti akan membawa sedikit percikan makanan ke kantor. Macamnya bervariasi, dari kacang telor, keripik singkong, kue-kue basah atau kering, sampai yang paling mewah- black forest! Makanan tersebut hanya diletakkan di meja dapur, dan jangan ditanya, dalam tempo kurang dari satu jam, makanan tersebut dipastikan sudah ludes!

Satu ketika, ada yang berulang tahun dan membawa percikan makanan di dapur. Ada satu staf pengajar pria baru yang langsung tanggap dan bergegas ke dapur. Dia memakan makanan tersebut untuk porsinya. Lalu, ia mengambil beberapa porsi lagi untuk dirinya sendiri, dan diletakkan di meja kerjanya. Dan kejadian itu bukan sekali dua kali, namun berkali-kali. Belum lagi apabila ada staf yang baru pulang dari bepergian, pasti dia orang pertama yang menagih oleh-oleh. Saya biasa memanggilnya dengan sebutan, “Si mas”. Untungnya bukan hanya saya yang “ngeh” akan sikapnya tersebut, tapi hampir seluruh teman kerja saya. Rasa ketertarikan “Si mas” pada makanan sangat besar. Misalnya siang ini, saya membeli roti dan meletakkan di meja saya. Ia langsung ke meja saya dan bertanya, “Eh, rotinya kamu dapat dimana, di dapur? Ada yang ulang tahun ya?” cerocosnya tanpa henti. Saya cuma menanggapi, “Oh, saya beli di café sebelah, Mas. Mau?” Tanya saya basa-basi. “Si mas” pun menggeleng cepat dan berlalu. Namun cerita dari para senior saya tentang “Si mas” ini lebih heboh saat saya menceritakan kejadian siang tadi.

“Waduh, itu belum seberapa!” komen para senior saya yang kebetulan hampir seluruhnya wanita. Sembari kami menikmati lunch, ia pun menceritakan kebablasannya waktu kantor kami mengadakan acara “Open House”. Saat itu senior saya memerlukan beberapa orang untuk menjadi penerima tamu, dan manajer saya memutuskan “Si mas” menjadi bagian front office karena dia tergolong staf baru. Maksudnya sih, agar dia lebih cepat bersosialisasi dengan lingkungan baru. Naasnya, karena senior saya tidak tahu kepekaan “Si mas” dengan makanan, senior saya malah meletakkan makanan dan minuman di meja front office! Alhasil dalam beberapa jam, makanan dan minuman pun berkurang drastis. Senior saya pun kelimpungan untuk mengeluarkan beberapa jajanan yang sengaja dipersiapkan untuk cadangan. Usut punya usut, beberapa staf memergoki si mas menjamah makanan-makanan dan minuman tersebut setiap 15 menit. Alamak! “Dan.. dia bahkan membawa tas plastik dari rumah!” lanjut senior saya berapi-api. Terlebih lagi setelah acara usai, senior saya sendiri melihat “Si mas” sedang memasukkan kue-kue basah itu ke dalam tas plastik yang telah ia persiapkan! Padahal seharusnya makanan yang tersisa akan dibagi-bagikan pada seluruh staf. Senior saya yang lain pun nyeletuk, “He’s really a wrong man in the right place.” Tawa kami pun membahana di dapur kantor.

Namun, nasib “Si mas” hari itu kurang mujur. Ibu manajer yang curiga pun menggeledah tas “Si mas” saat pria itu sedang lengah. Ibu manajer segera mengeluarkan seluruh kue di dalam tas plastik tersebut dan membagi-bagikannya pada seluruh staf termasuk satpam dan housekeeper yang hadir saat itu. Melihat hal itu, “Si mas”- katanya- hanya diam tak berkomentar. “Saya kira ia akan jera dengan itu.. tapi..” belum sempat senior saya melanjutkan pembicaraan, tiba-tiba “Si mas” muncul di dapur. Kami pun sontak terdiam. Lalu dengan cueknya “Si mas” mencomot kerupuk yang baru akan dimakan oleh senior saya, bungkus kerupuknya pun belum sempat dibuka. “Minta ya..” ujarnya polos. “Mm…enak nih kerupuknya. Boleh minta semua?” ujar “Si mas” lugas. Para senior dan saya sendiri bengong melihat wajah “Si mas” yang terlihat seperti badak di mata kami saat itu. “Si mas” pun langsung melenggang keluar dapur, membawa kerupuk senior saya sambil berucap, “Thanks ya.” Kami semua menggeleng-gelengkan kepala kami sambil berdecak keheranan.

“Tuh, jangankan jera, sadar aja engga!” Saya pun nyeletuk tanpa sadar, “Oh my God. He’s really….” Yang lain kompak menimpali, “a wrong man - tapi kok bisa ya.. He’s always in the right place?”

Note:
Cerita ini sempat kukirimkan ke Femina, tapi ditolak!! (Lupa juga tanggal, bulan, apalagi tahun.....)
Ahahahahhaha--- no worries, at least, tidak ditolak untuk di publish di
"Angel on Earth"
Rocks!!

Pengadilan Cinta

Tok, Tok, Tok,
Sidang dimulai.. Pak hakim sudah mengetukkan palunya untuk membuka sidang hari itu.
Aku duduk di kursi pesakitan, menunggu untuk diinterogasi, diadili, dan dipaksa untuk mengatakan yang sejujur-jujurnya.
“Nama….?”
“Angel”
“Umur, 22 atau 23?”
“22 tahun 6 bulan”
“Lahir 30 atau 31 Juli?”
“29 Juli…”
“Pak hakim, ini bukan acara interview mencari kerja, kita mulai saja sidangnya!” Paksaku.
Pak hakim segera memberi tanda agar jaksa penuntut umum membacakan tuntutannya kepadaku.
”Saudari Angel, anda dipanggil ke pengadilan cinta ini untuk menjadi saksi, betul?”
”ya” Jawabku tegas.
”Sekaligus tersangka..”
”Baik, saya terima.” Lanjutku kalem. ”Tapi apa tuduhan saya?”
”Anda terbukti telah membohongi diri anda sendiri....”
Aku mengkerutkan alisku, “berbohong apa?”
“Anda tidak pernah mengakui bahwa anda menyayangi, Sinar. “

Jantungku berdebar, apa yang akan kukatakan sekarang?
Ini adalah pengadilan cinta terakhir. Aku harus berkata sejujur-jujurnya untuk mendapatkan apa yang kumau, tapi mungkinkah...?
“Keberatan, Pak Hakim..” Jawabku lantang.
Jaksa penuntut umum marah, hadirin ribut, lalu......

Tok, tok, tok!
”tenang saudara-saudara, saudari Angel berhak membela dirinya!”
”Maksud anda?”
”Saya memang tidak pernah mengakuinya lewat kata-kata, tapi saya membuktikannya dengan perbuatan...”
”Contohnya?” Sela si Jaksa penuntut umum.
”Saya berulang kali mencoba menghubunginya, saya berusaha mencari kabarnya, tapi saya tidak pernah berhasil, salahkah saya..?”
”Tentunya usahamu belum maksimal” sela si Jaksa penuntut umum untuk yang kedua kalinya.

Aku tertunduk, mungkin benar, usahaku kurang maksimal. Tapi sebelum-sebelum ini, aku benar-benar telah berusaha untuk mendekatinya lagi, namun, yang kuasa tidak berkehendak.
”Lalu, bagaimana saudari Angel, anda sekarang mau mengaku kalau anda sebenarnya menyayangi Sinar?”
Bibirku terkunci rapat, aku memandangi pesakitan kedua yang duduk tepat diseberangku,
Seorang pria baik hati bermata coklat muda.
Aku bercermin di matanya, seolah aku tahu apa yang ada di dalam hatinya.
”Apa bila saya mengaku, mampukah pak hakim membebaskan Sinar dari hukumannya...?
Tak seperti yang kuduga, Pak Hakim menggelengkan kepalanya.
”Tidak.”
”Lalu, untuk apa saya dibawa ke pengadilan cinta ini?” teriakku putus asa.
”Karena hal itu, permintaan terakhir dari Sinar, sebelum ia menjalani hidup barunya...” ujar pak hakim bijaksana.

Aku tertunduk lemas di atas kursi pesakitan itu.
Sinar berusaha menggapai tanganku, namun ingin kutepiskan.
”Baiklah, karena ini permintaan terakhirnya, saya bersedia mengaku...” ujarku lirih.
Jaksa penuntut Umum berdiri,
”Apa hal itu benar-benar tulus dari dalam hatimu?”
Aku mengangguk.
”Sejujurnya, saya menyayangi Sinar, saya selalu merindukan perhatiannya, saya selalu ingin memeluknya... dan..”
”Dan apa?” Pak hakim seolah mendengarkannya dengan seksama.
”Dan, sebelum Sinar harus menjalani hidup barunya pun, saya telah menyadarinya, namun saya tidak mampu berbuat apa-apa lagi.”

Seluruh hadirin, Jaksa, dan pak Hakim berdiri, mereka menyalamiku satu persatu,
”Saudari Angel, anda berhasil mengungkapkan seluruh cinta yang tak pernah terungkap...”
”Dan kasus ini, saya nyatakan ditutup....”
Tok, Tok, Tok..!

Pengadilan cinta selesai,
Diluar pengadilan, telah menunggu seorang Ibu Muda cantik yang sedang hamil muda, istri Sinar.
Aku berdiri dihadapan Sinar, yang nyaris hilang dalam hidupku.
Ia menggengam tanganku erat, Ia menghapus air mata yang jatuh dari mataku.
Kali ini aku tak bisa memandangi bola mata coklatnya, yang bisa kunikmati hanyalah pelukan hangat terakhirnya yang sesungguhnya ingin kumiliki selamanya.

Note :
Cerita ini, entah kapan kubuat, sudah lupa tanggalnya, apalagi bulan dan tahunnya!
Tapi sewaktu dibaca, masih bagus banget (menurut aku loooo)
Jadi... ku post saja! :)

July Blues

July should be the best month to do everything.
Summer, flowers, sunny day everyday…
However, there’s always some stormy night inside my tiny brain.
Kept thinking, why did this happen to me, to my small world?

Why do I have always choose,
things that I don’t want to choose.
Why do I feel blue in everything that I’ve done?

Should be grateful on everything that God has given to me,
as long as He chose it for me,
I think I can live my life like the way it should be..
Well, end of month,
I hope the blue will turn into a
yellow…..

One day before 23

I supposed to be happy today,
instead of forcing my fiance to go to the beach
to see some people on the beach, playing canoe,
playing with the sand, sunbathing, swimming..
and see my tears,

I supposed to do all my work today,
happy cos the term almost over, and
I’ll have some break afterwards..
instead of thinking about someone who
really not trying to understand me.

I supposed to forget all the words that she uttered
last night about my life…
No, dear,
she didn’t deserve to ruin my life,
You have to moving on…
Move to other better world.
Let’s move.
Just move-move-move-
Try to choose a happiness in your life..
Always!

God is always there...

Once,

I sat down in front of the holly pictures of Swami,

among the crowded devotees,

didn’t know “why should I come to the place..”

Am I looking for peaceful, calmness, or…

Until,

They appeared and sat down on the two red plastic chairs.

They looked old, as well as energetic, good-looking, and full of love.

They were Uncle Robert and Uncle Rita, both from America.

Talked in a calm way, while the translator tried hard to convey their utterances.

Then there was a moment that I couldn’t hardly persist my tears when they said..

“turn to God, turn to Bagavan, because He is your mother,

Because He is your father…

Who always walks besides you as a friend..

“He never walked in front of you because you may left behind,

neither walked behind you- worried later you won’t looked at the back..”

“He chooses to be next to you, to be your friend, every time- any where…”

God is always there,

never let you walking alone..

I love you, God,

and thank you so much for you massive love

that I couldn’t ever count it…

Is not me..

You said,
Finding me is a treasure,
Holding your mind tight to me, for sure.
Kept asking why you wouldn’t release me from your heart
While you knew that you’re not my life’s part.

Enjoying our time while we could,
Though you’re not the one that I will hold,
When I come back,
I will feel guilty as ever if we can meet,
I hope God finding a way and lead you the best
And bring you the happiness ‘till the rest

Don’t tell me that you’re happy with tears on your cheeks,
‘cos I can’t stop the bleed from your heartbroken…
And I can’t hurt you more than this.

So, move on,
Open your heart for another love,
I believe there will be love which is waiting you to approach it,
And it’s not me,

There will be someone who willing to give her love to you,
Sacrifices her life to you, hold you tight, and make a reason for you
To change your world,
But the reason isn’t me.