Sunday, August 9, 2009
Send my wings...
picture : waiting for my wings -- almost hopeless.. --
I don’t really care if this bothering you to read my blog..
But, as what I said before, this is my sanctuary, if I can’t fly, let me hold the faith to keep breathing without my wings..
I found myself adjusting hard (again) to this not-so-a-new place called Banora. An Australian village which is located in the border area between two states.
Why I felt uncomfortable to live in here?
I missed the independent time in Mullumbimby, I missed all the smile and all friendly people there, especially my little flat and my warm and generous homestay parents, how I missed them!
I missed all the students who really enthusiastic and always expected me to teach, I missed all the silent rather than a grumbled moaned from a menopause lady.
Most of all, I missed all my lazy time, all “me” time and 24/7 internet, 24/7 my own TV, cooked my own dinner, used the washing machine by myself, iron my own clothes, especially.. using hot water, as long as I want, have a shower as much as I can..
and not listening to the same sentences…
“Could you cut the hot water down? I can’t afford to pay the bill….”
(over and over again….!)
God what should I do now?
I felt my heart is tighten, I felt something wanna to blew up now, I can’t feel the warmness, I can’t feel alive anymore.
Send me my wings, God. Send me home, or.. at least to Mullum,
So I can be HAPPIER yet than here. So I can give a true smile rather than a fake smile, so I can laugh both inside and outside..
I don’t wanna put my mask anymore..
09-08-09 / 7:40 pm
Tired, Banora Point