Move. Yes. Move.

M.O.V.E.

Yes.

Moving out. Moving in. I do this activity regularly now. Almost a year, with full of packing and unpacking.

I knew it hard for other people and even me.. Oh My Goodness..
I can't believe myself doing this every two and half months?

Being in every places, jump like a kangaroo, even not fly as high as bird.

Tired.

Yes. Maybe.

I'm tired of moving.
But, I'm happy to learn everything that I've got during the moving time.
I'm willing to do anything that makes me more mature, and I do feel it.

Once,
one of my friends said,
"You can change anyone but you."

That's truly happen.

Since I were here, everything changes rapidly, I even didn't realize any of that.
I never realized that I changed myself so much, then it affected everybody else.

I feel happier, yet.

So,
you know that you can't and never change the world..
but as a starter,
change yourself in a better way, it's a good starter.

Try,
nothing to loose.

Move on.. guys.


Banora Point,
On top of my big box of stuffs...

7.47 pm - 26/08/09

Send my wings...

picture : waiting for my wings -- almost hopeless.. --

Hi there!
I don’t really care if this bothering you to read my blog..
But, as what I said before, this is my sanctuary, if I can’t fly, let me hold the faith to keep breathing without my wings..

I found myself adjusting hard (again) to this not-so-a-new place called Banora. An Australian village which is located in the border area between two states.
Why I felt uncomfortable to live in here?

I missed the independent time in Mullumbimby, I missed all the smile and all friendly people there, especially my little flat and my warm and generous homestay parents, how I missed them!

I missed all the students who really enthusiastic and always expected me to teach, I missed all the silent rather than a grumbled moaned from a menopause lady.

Most of all, I missed all my lazy time, all “me” time and 24/7 internet, 24/7 my own TV, cooked my own dinner, used the washing machine by myself, iron my own clothes, especially.. using hot water, as long as I want, have a shower as much as I can..

and not listening to the same sentences…

“Could you cut the hot water down? I can’t afford to pay the bill….”
(over and over again….!)

God what should I do now?

I felt my heart is tighten, I felt something wanna to blew up now, I can’t feel the warmness, I can’t feel alive anymore.

Send me my wings, God. Send me home, or.. at least to Mullum,
So I can be HAPPIER yet than here. So I can give a true smile rather than a fake smile, so I can laugh both inside and outside..

I don’t wanna put my mask anymore..

09-08-09 / 7:40 pm
Tired, Banora Point

Which Dian?

Huahh, bermula dari iseng-iseng buka FB temen semalem, dan kok pada ngebahas wedding, pre-wedding, ...

Kubaca satu persatu tuh, komen-komen teman yang pada ada di situ, dan gosipnya ada teman yang namanya Dian bakal segera nikah..

Loh?

Di angkatan ku kan, yang namanya Dian cuma 3 biji, Dian U, Dian C, dan aku Dian A.. (haha! Maksain!)
Kalo gosip si Dian U mau nikah, itu mah, udah seantero jagat yang tau.. dilihat dari status-statusnya di FB.. "ketemu camer.." "Makan malem bareng camer.." dll, dsb!
Trus di gosipnya itu, malah katanya di Dian C yang mau nikah..
---

aku speechless...

A.A.D.C

Ada Apa dengan Dian C ??

Yah, karena dia memiliki kisah yang sama dengan aku, disia-siakan Pria yang sudah berhubungan dengan kita selama lima (5) tahun.. ! (ehm!) pay attention, everyone! 5 years.. and the boys just dumped us.. What a life!

Dan Tuhan mengirimkan kita lagi pada “our high school sweet heart!” Waktu aku balik sama my man, Dian C, lagi PDKT sama mantan pacarnya waktu SMA dulu.. dan waktu aku udah jalan sekitar 6 bulanan sama my man, dia ikutan balik juga sama pacarnya...

Oke, cerita belum berhenti sampai disitu... Waktu my man proposed me when my birthday and gave me a ring.. couple weeks later.. si Dian C “engaged”- and hell yes, with rings, too! Aku sempet mikir, ini kehidupanku yang dicontek, atau kami sedang balapan nulis status di FB???

My man is the love of my life.. well, everybody knows that- tak terkecuali,
my ex- 5 years – boy friend.
My man and me juga udah ada rencana sih, mau menikah, tapi karena Tuhan berencana lain, semua itu harus ditunda. We still have each others and love each other, too.. so?

Kenapa kami harus senewen waktu denger Dian C, menikah.. ? bulan ini pula! Oke, kurang dramatis.. dalam beberapa minggu ke depan! Dan parahnya aku engga denger beritanya langsung dari orangnya! Yang ada aku dengernya dari orang lain.. plus another gossip tentang Dian U, yang udah foto pra-wedding hari ini...

Aku masih ingat Dosenku, Bu Ratmi.. waktu ada seorang junior yang mengetuk pintu kelas kami saat kuliah Grammar 2

“Excuse me miss, can I speak to Dian, please?”
and Ibu Ratmi answered

“ Which Dian??"

We’ve got three Dian! Dian C, Dian U, or Dian A- which is myself.”


Dan sekarang pertanyaan itu layaknya manouver yang terngiang dengan konteks yang berbeda di telingaku,

“Which Dian, who hasn't got married yet? Dian C, Dian U, atau Dian A..
hell yes! And the answer ..

“ It’s me!”

Banora Point, 07-08-09
Menunggu waktu mengajar